Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
