im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
