Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
