yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize