My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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