Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
