I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
