whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
