Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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