did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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