I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize