Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
