yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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