You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
