all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
