He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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