Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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