we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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