when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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