Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
