absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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