My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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