I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
