Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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