i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
