Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
