Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
