I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize