nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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