The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I cut my penus on the lid.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
