Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
