Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
