I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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