ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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