Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
