just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
