EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh god it's open bar.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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