Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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