i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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