i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
