Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
