What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
