I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
