you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
