dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
