I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
