the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
