i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's never too late to be topless.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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