I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
