Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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