I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
