I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
