i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
