Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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