It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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