where am i from again
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
