he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
