Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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