I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
