I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
