Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
