he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
