I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize