Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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