How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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