Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
