i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
