Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
