i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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