she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
